Things to Keep in Mind
Riley Children's Grief Team
- There is no “getting over it” or “moving on.” Think of grief as a large heavy rock. The first time you carry the rock, it may feel crushing and leave you unable to move. As you adapt to holding this rock, your muscles will grow and develop muscle memory. It may feel less heavy at times. Eventually, you may even be able to walk while holding the rock. The rock doesn’t go away, but your ability to hold it and carry it changes.
- There are invisible holidays that may catch you off guard and/or trigger grief. The first day of school, prom, graduation, when a younger sibling passes an older sibling in age, New Year’s Day, etc. Be gentle with yourself if a day surprises you or feels very heavy in grief.
- You may still receive mail or appointment reminders for your child, even years later. Sometimes these surprise triggers may be more difficult than the expected or known triggers.
- Some well-intentioned people will offer advice or clichés that you may find upsetting or hurtful. It’s ok to ignore these statements or to express how they’re hurtful.